Finding Balance

I’ve been so busy lately, it’s been a struggle to find a moment to myself. Even when I do, the minute I sit down I either get a text, phonecall or email from someone who needs something from me. I don’t mind too much, it’s all part of growing in my career I suppose – Temporary madness.

But I just feel like I’ve been putting so much on my plate & now certain things are starting to get cold – I’ve been finding it hard to find any quality time to spend with my loved ones… I think it’s time to re-evaluate what needs to stay and what needs to go.

Finding balance is a real challenge, I’ll tell you that.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Throughout my lifetime no one has given me more sound advice or supported my dreams more than you have.  Everything I am today and everything that I will become is all thanks to you. You’re my hero. Happy birthday you old fart. I love you :)

Something More

I was just sitting here thinking and I realized that, most of the time, I feel like I don’t really belong anywhere. And not in a sad way like feeling alone, but more like I’ve always felt restless if I’m stuck in one place for too long. There is so much to see, do, feel, smell, taste and touch in this world that it would almost be a crime to just feel comfortable where I am, to feel like I’ve done and seen enough. I’ve travelled a lot in my lifetime, London to Monaco to Saigon to Kagoshima to Atlanta and much much more, but the more I travel the more restless I become. I panic sometimes that there is nothing that will ever satiate this desire for something more. Is it unhealthy to feel that where I’m at is never enough?

Last Night’s Nightmare

Since I was a kid I’ve always had really bad nightmares.  As I get older, they become less frequent but more dark and twisted. Last night I had a really awful dream.  I dreamt that I scored a job in New York (that’s not the awful part, just so you know lol) and was settling into an apartment.  When I arrived,  a lovely old Chinese man was helping me with my bags, he reminded me a little of my grandpa who passed away a few years ago, so having him around made me feel at home.  As he left me to my apartment and I thanked him, he told me that as soon as he left me things would start to become wierd but that it was crucial for me to continue on as though things were perfectly normal. Odd, I thought, but I carried on and met some of the other tenants and asked them about how they find living in new york.  All they said to me was “This building is haunted.” I tried not to let it phase me, went back to my apartment, got dressed and headed out for my first day at the office. As I was walking out, the girls I was talking to were standing in the hallway and they turned into these demons.  “Do you believe us now?” one of them asked me. Though I could feel my heart about to leap out of my chest, I thought about what the old man said so I replied “About what? I don’t know what you’re talking about” they came closer – eyes white, corpse-like complexion, fangs “We know that you’re just pretending. We know you can see us.”

& that’s when I woke up. Ugh.

“Don’t base your decisions on advice from people who don’t have to live with the consequences.”

know what’s best for yourself  ♥

 

Leave me alone, bored and feeling silly with an hour to kill and a macbook…

& this is what you get

Fitting A Squre Into A Circle

“Love takes off masks we fear we cannot live within and know we cannot live within”  – James Arthur Baldwin

I had a thought the other day.  Love actually isn’t very hard to find.  The real challenge is finding someone who is compatible. Somebody who suits the way you live, the way you are, the way you think. I thought back to every relationship I’ve been in and over and over again, lack of love was never a problem but compatibility was always the issue. Things like they didn’t like how much I went out, wanted to tie me down and suppress my desire to travel & go places or they didn’t like how close I am to some of my guy friends or felt uncomfortable with how open I can be about certain things others may deem “taboo” or “inappropriate” – It’s crazy too, when you love somebody you try to force it to work but in the end the realization always sets in that not matter how hard you try, you can NOT fit a square into a circle.

It’s one thing to find someone you can share love with but if you’re going to really be with someone it has to be someone you can live with and who can live with you. The real you.